The psychological toll of war doesn't get all the attention it deserves. Some 10 to 15% of soldiers treated for injuries at Walter Reed hospital also suffer psychological wounds. However, no one keeps track of the emotional impact on families.

Stress, anxiety & depression peak this time of year. Burris says several women in her husband's unit have gone on antidepressants. In some cases, people really need chemical help. But it often seems like it is easier to get a prescription than good counseling.

Now, the military has started a new 24/7 hotline called Army One Source (800-464-8107) for everything from coping problems to plumber referrals. The service provides 6 face-to-face sessions w/a therapist for those whose medical insurance doesn't cover family counseling.

A lot of families have also banded together to form support groups. The Army organizes "family readiness groups" & family assistance centers. For reservists, there are National Guard family-assistance centers. But some families, especially those who don't live on bases, have taken to creating their own morale boosters.

The women of the 129th, which spans 5 states, have a very active online support group. At the local level, in places like Osage, Kans., i.e., the wives get together all the time for dinner, window shopping and what they call "our moments." "We're there for each other when it feels like the sky is falling," says Amanda Bellew, 20, who was married just a few weeks before her husband, Jason, was deployed to Iraq.

Together the women have already sent out more than 100 care packages to their husbands. For Christmas, they sent a fake tree & stockings stuffed w/things like beef jerky, nuts, ornaments & fun stuff like slingshots & gliders. They try not to dwell on their situations when they're together. "We're trying to get our minds off it," Bellew says.

Before her husband's deployment, Bellew was a student & he was a certified welder in Osage. He now makes about $20,000--some 30% of his former salary. They don't have big house or car payments, but still she quit school & went to work as a waitress. They needed the money & besides, she couldn't concentrate on classes. "I think about him 23 hours & 59 minutes a day," Bellew says.

Financial woes only add to an already stressful situation. In a Department of Defense survey a few years ago, soldiers who were deploying said their No. 1 concern wasn't getting killed, but their family finances. A broken-down car, a house repair, anything they might have done themselves, now have to come out of their paycheck. And childcare falls to just one parent.

Shauna Hanson of Wisconsin was juggling two disabled kids, working & missing her husband, Jamie, when the pressure finally proved too much. She had a nervous breakdown. Because she was diagnosed w/bipolar disorder, Army insurance covered a counselor & he insisted that she take a medical leave from her job. But there was no disability insurance. Suddenly, she was relying only on her husband's paycheck.

When the eviction notices started coming, Hanson turned to Army Emergency Relief (703-325-0184). This private nonprofit charity helps struggling military families w/food, rent & other emergencies. Thanks to AER, Hanson is scraping by financially, month to month. But she still can't sleep at night. "This has been the worst year of my life," she says. The psychological debt for Hanson & all military families this holiday season is high.

War Stories Mail Call
Last week, T. Trent Gegax wrote about how court rulings, political changes & the self-outing of retired Army general officers are ratcheting up pressure on the military to change its "don't ask, don't tell" policy toward homosexuals. But soldiers wrote in to say that civilians don't understand how the military works. About 60% of our writers were against allowing openly gay service members into the armed forces, emphasizing that only the military knows what's best for the military. A sampling:

Matt Kaufman of Palatine, Ill., wrote:
It's all very nice for the officers & for the "enlightened" journalists to speak approvingly of allowing gays to serve openly in the military, but as a former soldier who had served w/two barely closeted gays w/ the (all-male) Field Artillery, I can say that their presence was tolerated admirably by my fellow soldiers, but that their presence was indeed disruptive.

As a soldier who has also served in a unit w/males & females, I can state w/absolute confidence that there was sexual tension, gossip & disruption that wouldn't have existed in an all-male unit. Allowing gays to serve is great for the gays, but from what I've seen--the distractions, the disruptions, the gossip, the tensions that would occur--I'm not so sure it's good for the guys on the line, nor for combat efficiency.

Jose Andres "Andy" Chacon (USMA '51), of Albuquerque, N.M., wrote:
It's obvious that you still look at race & racism on a black-white nexus. I'm the first Chicano to graduate from West Point. We're always the forgotten ones. Even the gays come before we do.

Eugene Nichol of Miami wrote: 
I was an openly gay law-enforcement sergeant in a state police department in Miami, Fla., for 20 years. I finally left because of the difficulty from the administration I experienced by being out & because of the lack of any opportunity for upward mobility in the department.

The new job I took was as a United Nations peacekeeper. Even under the auspices of the U.N., I found that I had to go "undercover" again for 2 years as the climate toward homosexuals in a 100% Albanian community in Kosovo precluded any chance for forthright integrity.

When I returned to the States after 2 years of police service, I found that I was blackballed by the police administration from resuming my former career. I've sworn to myself & to my friends that if the U.S. Congress passes a constitutional amendment to prevent same-sex marriage, I will not return to the U.S. How can one live in a country where civil inequality for a minority of its citizens is codified into the federal constitution?

Dennis J. Murphy of New York City wrote:
Our solders have enough to worry about. The "don't ask, don't tell" policy is a reasonable one. This article is one-sided & filled w/ homosexual-agenda talking points that are mighty stale. Shame on you.

Debra Moon of Yokota, Japan, wrote:
Gay or straight, what does it matter? A person's sexual orientation doesn't affect their ability to perform a job. Nor should they have to hide their orientation to be considered for a job. In a society that claims to support equal-opportunity employment & abhors discrimination, it's obscene that we still deny people the right to serve their country because they're gay. It's this person's opinion that it's time for Uncle Sam to wise up.